Optimism in 2015

I feel an energy for 2015 already.  I have said many times over the past few weeks that I am done with 2014.  I'm just done.  It was a challenging year in terms of career and finances.  I know some people think my looking at horoscopes is a crack-pot thing to do.  But life is hard.  I think any little tool that can really help you manage life is at least something to be noted.  And even if I read them, it doesn't mean the be-all end-all.  If I thought for one second that they were true to every single person we would all be classified under 12 categories only, ever. Please. I have more intelligence than that.  But they are fun to read. 

Mostly what I've read for 2015 so far states that I will be emotional.  I will be more focused if I can avoid emotion taking over.  It's a good time to learn.  Love will grow deeper this year (and also, I will reunite with an old flame, that I should be wary of, because it will be fleeting.) Career will require a lot of hard work to be noticed for advancement; possible career change.  Family will have struggles over someone leaving home; family growing closer in the second part of the year.  Finances will continue to struggle but pay off greatly in 2016 if I do the work.  And funny enough, these are most of my goals this year.

1) I am going to go back to school this year.  I am going to bust my ass to forward my education.  I'm getting old, people.  I need to shit or get off the pot.  Either I move forward, or I settle into this life of not enough money to live comfortably and rethink everything that I've moved toward thus far.  I finally see the value in myself getting an education.  The best part is, combined with my experience, it will make me a serious competitor for any job in my chosen field.  (I'll write more of that when things start moving.)

2) I am going to kick my finances in the ass.  Enough of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.  I need to make huge changes, but running from it certainly won't solve a damn thing.  It's scary, and it's probably going to hurt, hit me hard and freak me the hell out, but again, I am not getting any younger.  I have my literature and a game plan.  Watch out- I'll make it, yet!

3) I am going to work hard at my career.  I don't want to find a new job, but you never know what may come to pass.  I have seen some things over the last few months that make me question a lot about where this company is headed.  Can I get on board with it?  I think maybe I can.  Unless I'm nothing more than a woman trying to play in a pool of men.  I work in a man's industry.  The inequality I am seeing (in many industries, not just mine) between men and women makes me sick.  We are either equals or we aren't.  It's 2015, not 1907, for the love of- WHY must women be faced with lesser treatment (mostly in the paycheque/bonuses realm) in the workforce all the time???  I don't want to look for another job... but I do need to make more.  I'm either getting fairly compensated or moving on...

4) I will continue to meditate to keep my emotions in-check.  I will take time to focus on me to better myself physically (health and well-being), intellectually (education) and spiritually.  I will take the time to exercise, eat well, continue writing and learn. 

I feel a growth year for me.  I am optimistic, but for the first time, very calculated and focused on doing this the right way and less by way of emotion.  Sometimes I think I'm a bit of an emotional junkie.  I love the feels.  I am elated at the highs and I curse the lowest of the low, forcing myself to be strong; that this too shall pass.  Maybe by taking a more pro-active approach to life it will set me on a more stable path.  We all have our own journey.  Maybe to the 'sensibles' out there, I seem like a late-bloomer.  I am not sensible.  I never have been.  I am a late-bloomer; I sometimes feel like the last person to realize the big 'click'.  It doesn't make me less of a person.  It only reaffirms my belief to always grow.  Always feel the changes in your life and always learn.  Always strive to be more.  Wishing you each a year of growth and strength.

Is Santa Real?

As it is Christmas Eve and I am actively not working (but making required appearance in office while I sip Coffee and Bailey's and eat homemade shortbreads at my desk while blogging) I was flipping through Facebook and saw "How You Were Rudely Told Santa Isn't Real".  It inspired this piece because it's always a dilemma as parents how to eventually tell our kids the truth.

Firstly, it's not a lie.  I mean it is... but I take it as an okay lie.  Christmas is magical.  No matter how old or young someone is, we all still look at the sky and secretly hope to see that glimmer of light sweep the sky and think it's the man in the red suit delivering toys to all.  I understand not everyone can be so lucky... but there are an awful lot of generous people out there who buy toys for the less fortunate too.  Toy Mountain, Adopt-a-family, food banks, churches and community associations, and even years ago when I was a waitress at Boston Pizza, we had a tree at work with names & ages of kids who needed something/anything; pull a tag, drop off at restaurant by the 23rd.

When I was 9, my sisters and I got Cabbage Patch Dolls from Santa.  Only, this Santa didn't come down our chimney.  He came to our door  after church, while we were awake!  And he was tall and not fat, but to this day my parents don't know who it was.  We were on welfare that year as my parents both went back to school.  I remember that being a very generous Christmas.  We had so many presents.  We even got Mr. Professors!    (Does anyone remember those?  "Leap-pad" learning circa 1986).  But I do remember Mom and Dad telling us how generous people had been to help us have a nice Christmas.  It was a special year; it was then and it always held strong in my heart too.

When I was 10, my mom took me away for a girl's weekend.  She let me wear make-up and showed me how to apply it properly, and I got the talk about the birds & the bees (delivered by audio-cassette; I was the oldest!  I was the guinea pig!  I bet to do it over, she would cringe, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Mom- I swear, that isn't a jab.  You did your best; I know it.) and we spent time being mother-daughter one last time before I turned into a hideous teenager.  It was a perfect weekend.  But I asked about Santa that year.  If I remember correctly, we went on my 10-trip just after Christmas (because my birthday is right before).  That year, we had gone out to one of the surrounding reserves and I found a pair of beaded earrings that I loved.  I had just got my ears pierced for my 10th birthday too!  On Christmas morning, there they were under the tree.  I thought it very odd Santa would have known exactly to stop in at the store on the reserve for those exact ones; and I had been recognizing my parents' writing on the tags for years.  They used to say they left out the paper and the tags out for Santa to save him time.  I digress... I asked Mom about Santa.  I think she asked me why I would ask.  But I remember noting that I was afraid if I didn't know the truth, my kids someday wouldn't get presents because I'd be waiting for someone imaginary to bring them.  She told me then about the magical feelings people get over Christmas and told me Santa lives in each one of us.

A couple of years ago, the whole family was at my parents' on Christmas evening, just cleaning up from dinner when the doorbell rang.  My sisters and I and Mom were up to our elbows in dishwater and loading the dishwasher and putting food away.  We just all looked at each other thinking it was very odd to have anyone come calling at that hour.  My niece and I went to the door where we caught a glimpse of a white vest and dark, long hair under a santa-hat and then she vanished into the darkness, leaving a huge, red sack at the door.  I looked for tail lights and my niece swore she saw the end of a santa-sled taking off down the road.  Right away, my youngest sister Katrina was "the one who did this" (by the guys who were elsewhere in the house- blame the dark hair :) )... but she had been in the kitchen with us so that wasn't the case.  Dad has always loved Christmas and the magic and mystery of Santa and to this day is like a little kid about his giving and receiving (which is the most endearing thing; it's hard NOT to get wrapped up in magic!)  So, we naturally thought this was a Dad-thing to do.  He profusely denies it.  Katrina is his elf though... the gifts were so personal and exact though.  Santa had made an appearance, and were in wont of nothing this time.  We weren't in financial troubles, we were all gainfully employed, we were all already spoiled that year...so it remains a mystery. 

I do know, what little I might have, somewhere there is someone out there needing/wanting something.  I try to do one small present a year for someone.  Sometimes it's an adult at a shelter who asked for a pair of mittens or a pair of warm socks.  Sometimes it's a child who might not get a "Santa" present; last year, we brought a Christmas tree to someone who didn't have one.  This year, broke as I was, I made cookies for someone who will be alone this Christmas.  It was all I could do, but hopefully it made them feel like they aren't forgotten.  That's Santa. 

Don't forget to believe.  The more you believe the more you have to share it with those around you.  Don't grow up about Santa.  He may not visit 3 billion kids in 24 hours, but the Santa Trackers and NORAD and letters to Santa and now what... can you Skype with Santa or something like that (my kids are way past that)?  All these cool little things help our little kids believe in the magic.  And that's important.  It helps instill in them to keep the magic going as adults. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours and may you spread joy and love and Santa-magic to everyone you meet.