In the midst of my crankiness, it was easy for me to forget the good things in my life. It's always so easy to feel like the whole world is against you. Clearly, I am not the only one with problems, nor do I have the biggest magnitude of issues, and I certainly don't own the market bad days.
This past week, being a particularly challenging one, made me even more homesick and made me question everything again and I let it all out to T. which I normally don't like to do. I mean, c'mon, I'm all powerful, queen of my domain, like a rock- I can't be broken! I don't like to appear weak. I don't like to have it seem like I'm on the edge, just barely keeping it together. People have told me that they admire my strength... So it's not often I let someone in to be my rock. I'm fiercely independent, and I prefer it that way.
But I lost it the other night. I spilled my struggles out over text message, and he knew damn well where I was at. And he said all the right things; though he thinks being supportive of someone is a weak point for him. And when I say he said all the right things, he didn't coddle me. He doesn't do that. But he is always honest with me. And he doesn't sugar-coat things. And he doesn't bull shit me. Ever. I love that about him. He doesn't try to fix shit for me, he just reassures me, oddly enough with a touch of empathy and a touch of hard-assedness. After what's been going on, he was really sensitive to my need to let it out, and was greatly supportive. I'm so thankful for him.
I'm thankful for my kids' father who stepped in this weekend to save a day from really going badly. I'm thankful for his family who is a huge support to my children. And I'm thankful for his mom who made a turkey dinner and sent my daughter home with homemade leftovers, which is soul-food while I'm away. I'm thankful for the hug my son pasted on me when I went to pick up my daughter, because he always, no matter what he and I go through, has a big, huge hug for his mom. I'm thankful for his intuition, because he knows exactly how to read a situation and calm it all down with the smallest of gestures.
I'm thankful for the strength my daughter has, because this is not an easy thing I've tasked her with to have me gone all the time. I'm thankful that she's smart, and mature beyond her years and has a good head on her shoulders; even when she thinks she's made the biggest mistake ever and I go off the wall, she is still one of the smartest kids I know.
I'm thankful for my family, because they are hugely supportive of me, my ups and downs, my successes and my failures. I know I always have them in my corner, no matter what. I'm thankful for the messages each of my sisters sent me telling me that they love me and missed me and T. and my kids at Thanksgiving dinner.
I'm thankful for friends who we spent time with on the weekend and had a blast with. I'm thankful for friends far away who sent me messages and friends who have never cooked a turkey and needed advice.
I'm thankful that I do have a home to go to, even though it's rather infrequent. I'm thankful for my little A-town that has been my home for the last 18 months that I have fallen in love with. I'm thankful for the beautiful park we have where my dear, old friend came with her hubby to take Fall pics of the kids and I.
And I am thankful for challenges. They keep me on my toes. They keep me sharp. They keep me from boredom. Each one promises to make me stronger than the last.
I guess I do have it pretty good. It's not raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, but it's my crazy life. (Dammit Ricky Martin, you have forever wrecked the usage of La Vida Loca... Or even Mi Vida Loca!) And I love it.
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