Except that these kids are exactly who I was. My high school years were spent in a haze and I gave it up to early to someone who didn't care much a few months later, I slept all the time, I drank, I was cool, I was invincible. I used to think 'you have to EARN my respect, I'm not going to just give it to you'. My parents were from a different time and because of that, they didn't know a damn thing. And I promised myself I would never forget what it was like. It was oppressing! Imagine getting dragged out of bed on a Saturday (cuz Friday night I was probably out drinking or getting high till midnight *gasp* because I had to be home at the unreasonable time my daft parents dictated) at 10 am to mow the lawn!
Looking back and waking up and as FK says "your lights go on when you're 35" and realizing that I had parents who cared enough to "oppress" the crap out of me is enough in itself to be thankful for. I'm looking around at my daughter's friends, most of whom are male (She is such a chip off the old block!) and think how lost these poor kids are. I've even taken on a foster-parent role on two occasions this past year. I ache for these kids. I pray for them. I pray for their parents. It's not easy being a teen, and it sucks even more if you have shitty parents. Yeah, they're out there.
The one girl I took in this year turned 16 and asked for a pair of jeans for her b-day. Her mom made a comment about how needy she was (because she already had A pair of jeans) and that ensued an argument to which the response was "you're 16, do what you want". So she packed her shit and called my daughter in hysterics and told her that she'd been kicked out. We picked her up in a puddle of her own tears a block away from her home. We'd talked and I asked her what her plan was to which she replied "my plan?"
I housed and fed her for a little over 3 weeks until she decided she needed to go home. What was I gonna do? Leave her there? Let her sleep in the streets?
The other, was a boy who has been here a week. I saw him a few weeks ago sleeping on the sidewalk behind the pub beside my place. My heart broke. I drove off to work and saw him, only I wasn't 100% sure it was who I thought it was. A few days after that, I left to drop my daughter off at work and came back home and I knew something was off... A warm hot chocolate sat on the coffee table, and some unknown shoes were at the door. I went upstairs and thought... It's too quiet- who is here? I'd already checked everywhere... Except the basement. Downstairs, I found this same boy, curled up in a chair. He startled me a little so I woke him and he was startled as well. He said my daughter had given him the o.k. to sleep down there; he had a fight with his dad and his dad gave him the boot. He said if my daughter was at work, he would leave. It freaked me out but I nodded and asked if he was okay. He said yes, and thank you and left. I spoke to my daughter later after her shift and she filled me in a bit. Again, what- I can't leave him to sleep behind the pub.... I just.... I can't do it. He's been here a week, he's going to school and he's behaving and watching out for my daughter. And he's just a kid! And I get it, kids can be assholes; no doubt something triggered something to get his dad to snap and give him the boot, but really??? Some parents can be assholes too; just because that's who they've always been!
I feel terrible for these kids who have shitty lives. What right does a parent have to give up on their kid??? And I'm not rich. I'm not funded at all for this crap, but I can't watch someone my daughter is friends with, sleep outside- I'm just not cool with that. I'm not cool with the a-hole parents out there either; someone has to give these kids a fighting chance!
Being a teenager is hard enough. Being a parent is hard too, but show a little compassion to a kid who has nothing at the moment and watch them bloom. I just want to tell all teens out there who struggle, this:
Being a teenager sucks. I understand. And I care; I really do. I wish I could promise you it will get better, but guess what? It's on you to make it better. And I know, you're trapped and you're young and you don't have many choices, but each time you have the opportunity to make a choice? Make it the best choice you can. If you do that it will get better, and little by little it will get easier. Make good choices. Be strong. And being a teen doesn't (contrary to your myopic thinking right now) last forever. It passes quickly so try to enjoy it the best way you can. Do the shit you're going to do, and work hard in school. Don't let the 'shit' overtake your brain or your life. Stay out of trouble. Stay safe. You are loved.
I told him he could stay a week and the last couple of days he's hovered around like he wants to talk... So I asked my daughter. She's the go-to. We've decided to let him stay a bit longer. She is going to help him get a job and I'll work with him on a back up plan. Like, his father legitimately kicked his son out the door telling him he better find another place. Who does that??? No, I know, he's not completely innocent; something happened that he isn't ready to discuss yet, but fine. In the meantime, he's in school. He's picking up after himself. He's watching over Kasia and she's got his back. He's pitching in around the house and he has a bed to sleep on and food to eat. And he's so sweet. He just needs that small glimmer of hope that someone gives a shit about him.
I've dealt with moms before, but a dad? An asshole dad? I dunno of I can. If he is as big a dickhead as all of his friends, my daughter included, make him out to be, I'm sure he's just an asshole. And you can't always reason with an asshole. Assholes are assholes for the very sake of being assholes. It gives them power... At least, they think so. Everyone else just sees them for who he is... An asshole.
Take it from me, Kids. I'll repeat it so you know:
Being a teenager sucks. I understand. And I care; I really do. I wish I could promise you it will get better, but guess what? It's on you to make it better. And I know, you're trapped and you're young and you don't have many choices, but each time you have the opportunity to make a choice? Make it the best choice you can. If you do that it will get better, and little by little it will get easier. Make good choices. Be strong. And being a teen doesn't (contrary to your myopic thinking right now) last forever. It passes quickly so try to enjoy it the best way you can. Do the shit you're going to do, and work hard in school. Don't let the 'shit' overtake your brain or your life. Stay out of trouble. Stay safe. You are loved.
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