I'm reminded of the simple pleasures; a home-cooked meal, a hug from someone who loves you back, sleeping in your own bed, sitting in quiet whilst drinking a coffee, snuggling up beside someone special, a peaceful (yet brisk) walk....
I have been on the road for a month, solid. I mean, I travel for work, so I'm always up to something up and down the AB highways; but I have been GONE, overnight, every night for a solid month. My poor kids wonder where the heck mom is... (I'm so grateful that they are both independent and responsible human beings- I couldn't do my job otherwise.) T. takes what precious little time we do have together and makes me feel loved. When I do travel to central AB, my parents and sisters always welcome me in with open arms... ahhh, a little bit of solace- it is so welcome... I take a little reprieve in that I'm still with family. And yes, I get it, I'm whining a little...
I am fast coming to the conclusion that I am not invincible. The long days and hotels and eating out and working myself to death are reeking havoc on my body. I'm gaining weight so fast. Well, sure, it sounds easy; just go to the hotel gym and stretch out and get on the treadmill for an hour, right? Ugh, but I'm tired! I drove for 8 hours, I have a boatload of emails to answer and I haven't eaten a square meal in 2 days. So I order up some takeout, watch some TV and crash... but it's a light crash. Even if I seem dead to the world for 6 hours, I've actually woken 3 or 4 times because the stupid bed isn't my bed and the pillows are giving me neck-kinks and the sheets are tucked in so damn tight, how do you even get comfortable? Begin day at 6 am, eat a high-cal breakfast because that's the only option in town, go-go-go till 7 pm and start all over. In a matter of a couple of weeks I start to burn out. If I do go home, I'm so tired that I'm less than motivated to cook, clean, do laundry...But I do try. (Oh, listen to the wailing of that whaaaaa-mbulance!)
I've started to get very much into meditation. I have been meditating since I was around 14. My parents had this creative-visualization meditation cassette by Shakti Gwain that I used to pop into my Walkman and I'd surround myself with the pink bubble in my happy place. Positive energy in, negative energy out, relaxing every muscle in my body, pink bubble, pink bubble, pink bubble....It helped me sleep. (I have also been a life-long battler of insomnia.) Nothing really ever manifested itself; I was too young to grasp the concept. I mean, I understood what manifestation was, but I just didn't know enough about who I was to be able to figure out what I wanted. I have picked up meditating within the last few years again, and I love it. Nothing ever really manifests itself even now; but I realize I'm not looking for riches or success or fancy cars and big houses. What does come to me is peace, tranquility, aligning of chakras (this one is new to me; the Third Eye always eff's me up! I cannot see out of my Third Eye!!!! Why can't I see out of my damn Third Eye!???) balance and the ability to move forward in high-stress situations. I can definitely feel when I'm unbalanced and have not meditated in a few days. I meditated last night. Oh to wake, go into work and still feel elated and happy!! A quiet office day where I can get some busy-work done that I've neglected on the road, sip coffee at my desk, and go home to see my daughter for a bit until she goes out or to work, maybe make real food for dinner and spend some time with T.
I was looking at my desk when I came in to the office though. Definitely chaotic. Needs a makeover. I have piles of stuff all over, a container of Lysol wipes, (cuz everything is disgusting, always, everywhere... I have one in the car too. I love those things.) cords, and chargers and power-bars, boxes and boxes and boxes of supplies that need to be moved to anywhere but here...And on the right side of my desk, opposite of my phone, I have 3 frames; one is for friends, where I have the 3 J's all in a group hug of 2 of my best girlfriends since I was like, 10 years old. The frame has little words all over it; Friends- Laugh- Good Times- Smile- Fun. I change the picture a few times a year with different friends. The second one in the middle has T. and I in Mexico and its frame reads Love- Forever- Always- Happiness. I change that picture too, every so often when I think T. and I have a great couples pic. The third frame is for my fam and the picture in it is a picture of last summer when my G-ma Steffler came out for her 85th b-day with my Aunt and Uncle and we had family photos done and is of my kids and I and that frame reads; Family- Togetherness- A lifetime of memories- Love & Laughter. I love that picture. I have not changed it yet. It is the small portion of my desk that is peaceful and reminds me why I work so hard to make a decent life. For balance; to spend time with friends, to enjoy my life, to give my kids the life they deserve.
So my point in all of this long-winded jibberish, is that balance NEEDS to be prominent in anyone's life. If I work too hard and neglect my health, I will rob my own life of it's full potential. I will be unhealthy and fat and I don't need another risk-factor- I already smoke. If I don't work hard enough, I will not have the means to enjoy the fun things in life. If I spend too much time having fun, I will probably lose my job. But looking at the smiles in each of those pictures makes me want to nurture all the aspects of my life. Life is wonderful. Life is full. I don't ever want to look back and say, "I didn't do ______ because I didn't have time/energy/motivation." (I didn't walk the treadmill because I'm lazy... laziness kills if your heart gives out. Insert ass-kicking here.)
Anyway, I've wasted enough time today (writing is never a waste though) and should focus. Step 1- clean off desk. Step 2- answer all emails. Step 3- organize the next few weeks. Step 4- enjoy the evening. Step 5- maintain balance. Always.
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