Sitting, laptop in said lap, tapping, pausing and tapping; I'm looking for the right title entry for this blog... it's a loaded topic. Pausing again, I nearly have it, but I've too many other thoughts running through my mind and I don't want to forget anything as my ADD-brain shouts out every bloody idea it can just to clog up my brain.
Oh, my last rant was full of stress, and I started thinking how difficult everyday life is. And like, difficult for me; me, who has no real issues of which to speak of. I'm not depressed, nor am I broke, nor am I battling mental illness, I'm disease-free, germ free, I have my health, I don't really tend to be a worrier... And I find life very challenging. Add, and then compound any of those issues listed above in any combination you see fit and everyday challenges become larger hurdles in everyday life. I mean, yes, I bitch and moan about my job, but I do like it; it's a great job for me with lots of freedom and creative avenues to explore. Haha, like I'm some type of stifled artist begging to let loose my creativity. Hardly. But it does allow me 90% of the time to be a creative problem-solver and I get to drive a lot, which is nice to be able to do. Sometimes things get hairy and out of control but generally speaking, it's a good thing; it pays the bills and I don't hate it.
So after some vacation time in BC with my family, and I mean the whole fam-damly; parents, sisters, brothers-in-law and all 7 grand kids, I was finally able to re-group. It's amazing what a week of true relaxation and unplugging can do for the human spirit. We (the fam) had so many talks and visits and well, in theory, we've solved all the world's problems in conversation or another. One of the conversations that took place was our natural happy place. Mine is the mountains. The smell of mountain air tinged with pine and wood and leaves; it is such a fresh, amazing smell to me. The thin air allows me to breathe so deeply. Whether summer, fall, spring or winter, the mountains are my place where my spirit floats along the peaks, re-energizing itself. Some get that same feeling from a beach or at the cottage or cabin. Cabin or not, I just want my mountains and the smells and the crisp, fresh air. Zen. Right there.
And I got my zest for life back, a little, while I was away. I've been making a mental bucket list, and when I check something off, I realize I am both embracing life and I'm sustaining my happiness. Do you know how important that is? I want to go white-water rafting again. I want to climb a mountain again. I want to take a course in massage therapy- maybe even get a certificate or something. I want to study more about holistic healing, because I know there is more to feeling better than doctors and medicines. I want to learn about the stars and astrology and palmistry. I want to do yoga again, and maybe master that too. I want to write and write and write. I want my life to be fun. I want people to remember me as someone who "embraced life and was happy". That's it.
But what happens when you have loss, set-backs, inner-demons (I'm not making light of anything, but demons- like emotional scarring/baggage) , mental/physical heath issues, diseases- anything from the flu to addiction to cancer? What happens when you take these issues and compound them with job stress and home-life stress, a sick kid at home or financial issues? What if you're going through a break-up or divorce? What if your former spouse can't let go; or maybe you can't? What if this affects your job performance and you find yourself in a heap of shit at work? What if you lost your husband or wife, your kid got sick and you lost your job and now you're in a messy divorce and you hit the bottle? Then what? Is there a zest for life there? How do you pull yourself out if you don't have a network of strength around you? What if you're unhappy? What if you decide this is life? And it sucks. Do you throw in the towel? Where's the edge? Are you going to take the edge and walk it? Can you be pulled back from the edge or can you pull yourself back? Do you even want to? And then you think, no, I would never kill myself; no that's not me....(but did you realize you have a self-destructive personality? Then what?)
And hey, it sucks. I'm no one of consequence, but I do know a bit about this; because I love the frickin' edge. I've lived my whole life either on it or close to it. Too close for comfort, in some cases, but nonetheless I do understand this. I may not have walked the same path as that of someone else, but the edge, you see, is invisible. It changes distance from person to person too. Some stay far away and others seem like they're going to fall.... and they aren't even close to the edge yet.
"Grant that I do not judge my neighbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasins" (Indian Prayer)
I don't know the truth behind the author of that... I know many a great elder and that sure sounds like it was written by a white man. But the premise remains that no one should judge another. The premise also remains that the importance of treating one another with kindness and dignity in all situations is crucial.
Humans were created in God's own image- take from that what you will; I'm not trying to preach. Each of us is perfect in our own way and the act of kindness toward another human being is an act of our own higher selves. Don't kid yourself for a second...we all can achieve the ability to be great in our own way.
Faith. I have said it repeatedly; it is so important to have faith... in something; something good, something bigger than ourselves.
Trust. Those we love should be able to put their trust in us. We should treat their trust as a gift, not a requirement for a relationship.
Love. The more you learn to give, the more you will get back. The more love you surround yourself with the more strength you can get from inside you.
Acceptance. That we are all unique, special and worthy of love and kindness and dignity.
So don't give up. Find your happy place and rejuvenate your spirit. It means the world to your happy life. Let go of what you can. Change what you must. Deal with the rest. Rely on a support system to guide you and let you lean on them and pump you up. And have faith that life will work itself out. Find love. Nurture it and embrace it. Life is always more fun when you can share it with someone you love.
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