On Judgement

I posted a Facebook status today that may have come off as passive-aggressive... but that isn't at all the intent.  It went something like this:

Judge not lest ye be judged. Matthew 7:1

Do not compare yourself to others; you have no idea what their journey is about.  Anonymous

People in glass houses should not throw stones. Proverb

 Judgement is an ugly colour on anyone.  jmsteffler

The bottom line is...
No one should be allowed to judge another person on their choices, lifestyle or issues.  The simple fact is this: Learn to love, accept and trust.  I promise you, it's much more fulfilling than the above alternatives.

Just my two cents....

So why the seemingly p-a post?  Because.  Because I am tired of people passing judgement on others.  I see it every day whether it happens to someone else or if it happens to me.  This weekend it happened to hit way too close to home and it took every ounce of my being to not cross a line when I lashed back at the person.  I often don't engage in arguments, debates or disagreements while in a social setting.  I much prefer to chat superficially and avoid anything that may come across as confrontational.  I do this for a couple of reasons.  For one, alcohol (usually available and being consumed in said social settings) and arguments do not mix.  There is no such thing as tongue-holding and regardless the level of impairment, you cannot reason with anyone who has been drinking.  I have been in that situation more times than I wish to recant, so just- no.  You cannot reason with alcohol.  There is usually utter honesty, cruelty, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, raw emotion, compromised feelings, wrong tones, and things that just shouldn't be said.  Ever.  And once they're said, you can't ever take them back.  You can only apologize and hope to God the other person actually knows the term 'forgiveness'.  Forgiveness isn't something that a lot of people even know how to do, y'know...?

Apologies are one thing.  Accepting an apology is another thing.  Letting it go and forgiving someone for their actions and never thinking about it another moment once you've chosen to let it go....that's where forgiveness tends to be forgotten.  Listen, I'm not saying to not apologize if you fucked up.  I'm not saying you even have to accept an apology, or that you aren't allowed to be angry with someone for hurting you even after they've apologized.  Own your emotions.  They're yours.  On the plus side; once you've learned what forgiveness actually is, it really does get easier every time.  Just sayin'.

It's the pedestals of judgment that people stand on every day where they look themselves in the mirror and feel superior everyone because yesterday they donated to the food bank, or they're having a good hair day.  I have good days, I have bad days. We all do.  Some days we're the pigeon, some days we're the statue.  We're all the same.  So when did it become okay to throw the rocks?  When did it become okay to look someone in the eye and judge someone on hearsay?  When did fingers start pointing in random directions for no other reason but rumor-mill circumstance?  In the meantime, ahem, your skeletons (in the closet) are showing....

I'm not perfect.  I've been there, up on my own pedestal, guilty as charged.  But I have learned over the years that humanity is usually struggling with the same issues, on different levels and while circumstances may vary from person to person, we really are all the same.  Some of us deal with things better than others.  Some of us have mental health issues.  Some of us deal with addictions.  Some of us are more self-aware than others.  Some of us have shitty personalities.  Some of us are just unhappy.

I have grown.  I am no better than anyone, but this is knowledge worth sharing.
Love. (Because love makes everything better.  Love is like air: necessary.)
Peace. (It's so much easier to enjoy life when you are at peace with yourself and those around you.)
Forgiveness. (It's a cornerstone to happiness, peace and contentment.)
Understanding. (When you seek to understand, you will usually see that the surface is nothing like what lies beneath.)
Acceptance. (Accept what you can.  Change what you can not accept.  Accept that you cannot change everyone or anyone.  It's only on you.)
Empathy. (Put yourself in someone else's shoes for once.  A little of this goes a long way in humanity.  A long, long way.)
Trust. (Because the basis of any relationship is trust.)

Apply this to yourself and the world will change before your eyes.

Apply this to your relationship with your significant other and be patient.  Love, support, trust and acceptance are the 4 most important things I want in my own relationship.  Remove doubt, fixing him/her, resentment, jealousy or anger.  And if you can't remove those things, you have to ask yourself if you are where you're supposed to be.

Apply it to those in your friendship circle.  Watch the drama finally not follow you around.

Apply it to those around you at any given time... the person at the bus stop or in the office or the same person at the coffee shop every morning.  Smile at people...or just smile.  Let go of the pettiness and the power and the superiority.  Come back down to earth and be human.  You are, after all, human.